We pick back up with the Real Housewives of Orange County minus Alexis partying it up in Puerto Vallarta for Tamra’s bachelorette party weekend. When I say partying, I mean Tamra, Vicki and Lydia (who surprised me with her party girl ways) going crazy in the streets, dancing on top of cabs, and finally arriving to Vicki’s spot – Andale’s bar.

Meanwhile, Gretchen and Heather were left behind in the limo and are upset that they were ditched. Gretchen takes the chance to spill about the allegations Lauri made about Vicki. Heather says what we are all thinking: Vicki and Donn are divorced, so who gives a flying f*ck now?! Gretchen is annoying me with entertaining this whole Lauri BS.

The girls arrive back at the hotel, super trashed, and Heather says it’s uncool that they ditched the girls. Gretchen is visibly pissed and immediately guns for Vicki. She then lashes out at Tamra. She accuses Tamra of not caring about the work she put into this vacation. Producers did that, but okay, Gretchen.

Tamra and Vicki are drunk and just laugh after Gretchen’s rant, which sends Gretchen into a pissed off frenzy. There is nothing more hilarious than a pissed off person becoming even more pissed. Sorry not sorry.

Heather on the other hand remains civilly pissed off and tells the drunkards off in a very polite, Dubrow kind of way. Tamra feels sorry but at the same time she got to party with Vicki and had a ton of fun. Vicki is loving that Gretchen was left out of all the fun and honestly, it makes me laugh too!

Vicki and Tamra have clearly re-found love in a hopeless place, and when Vicki leaves Tamra’s bed, she has left her a little wet. Literally, she pissed herself and damped Tamra’s bed. Hilarious. I love, love, love (Teresa voice) Vicki’s crazy self and I would love to get wasted with her in a foreign country.

The following day, Gretchen takes the group to explore Puerto Vallarta and take in the culture. Apparently this means going to see a matador in an empty place. While on the tour, the girls are laughing about last night and Gretchen and Heather explode again. Heather thinks it’s rude that they are discussing their wild night out while they were left behind.

I am loving Lydia speaking out to Gretchen! After a little spat, Gretchen starts crying. Ugh, she’s that friend on trips. She starts calling Vicki a hypocrite while crying and Vicki is just shutting her up and asks her to get over it. Gretchen then calls her a “bitch”. Poor Vicki, she’s been called that twice in the season already! Damn.

Later on, the girls gather at the pool for cocktails and hostess, fashion designer and beauty industry entrepreneur Gretchen comes dressed like a reject back-up dancer with gift bags for all the girls. Vicki can’t help but snark the fact that it’s filled with Gretchen Christine products! Get that product placement in, Gretchen Christine.

Vicki takes the chance to make fun of Tamra and Gretchen’s BFFness. The word BFF ticks off Gretchen. Vicki says they only became friends when Vicki and Tamra fell out. She also calls Gretchen a princess and for some reason this pisses her off. Don’t call me a princess, call me the boss. Gretchen then calls Vicki out! She says Vicki is insecure, and Vicki denies it. Gretchen walks away.

Tamra finds Gretchen on the beach, and they come to the conclusion that Vicki is just competing for Tamra’s friendship. Gretchen asks why Tamra pushes people away and she goes into an emotional outpour and talks to Gretchen about why she is how she is. She tells her about her suicide attempt when she was little, but doesn’t want it to be an excuse for her life.

Back in Orange County, Alexis and Jim discuss having a fourth child. Jim says no more babies, but Alexis insists on a fourth one. Okay, back to Mexico.

The girls are at the actual bachelorette bash that Gretchen has planned. They all fine dine with penis paraphernalia surrounding the table. Lydia fears that strippers will come and she’s scared, because the only penis she should see is her husband’s. Poor Lydia! I love her when she’s not bitching about her mom’s weed. After the dildo presents, Lydia takes her cue to go to her room.

The strippers arrive and bam! All hell breaks lose. It even disgusted me. Fat strippers rubbing penises on Tamra’s head. Gretchen holding a stripper’s penis. (Oh but Vicki is the whore?) It’s just a gross mess, and Heather is spraying everyone with disinfectant and touching things with sanitary gloves on only.

Next week the girls head back to OC and go salsa dancing! Lydia seems to bump heads with Gretchen yet again, and Alexis comes head to head with Heather. Gretchen also seems bothered that Tamra is becoming friendly with Alexis. Oh and Brooks shows up to salsa dancing which should be interesting. This is very high school, though.

Let’s discuss this week’s show! Will Tamra rekindling her friendship with Vicki harm her friendship with Gretchen?