It’s here! The season 9 premiere of Real Housewives of Orange County. Tonight we start the new season off with fancy pants Dubrow meeting with her builder and architect to discuss her mansion. Heather’s new home pretty much makes her old mansion look like a shack. Tamra is in full C.U.T. Fitness mode, and works seven days a week. Yeah right Tamra. LOL Eddie teaches some of the classes, and he definitely has some admirers that probably just go to the gym for him. Tamra is a little jelly belly over some of Eddie’s fans, but she shouldn’t be worried. I’m sure she’s the only older lady Eddie loves.

Over at Vicki’s she is being the OC Sonja Morgan, and having her employee live with her. Vicki brings up Brooks and says she doesn’t know where they are headed. UGHHHH.. The new Slade just won’t leave. Heather and Tamra are out for a run together and Tamra asks Heather if she’s talked to Gretchen. Heather says she hasn’t spoken to her and says Gretchen isn’t in her immediate world. Tamra reveals that Gretchen never even bought her a wedding gift, which of course causes Dame Dubrow to gasp. Gretchen and her tacky luggage can stay gone.

Heather tells Tamra she got another role, and says Malibu Country and Hot in Cleveland reminded people she’s not dead. LOL Tamra reveals Vicki’s divorce is final, and she doesn’t know if Vicki is seeing Brooks again. Vicki is visiting her daughter and her grandson, and he is getting so big. Briana is pregnant with her second child and Vicki says that her relationship with Briana is “rock solid.” Vicki also shares that she listened to the recording of Brooks telling Briana’s husband, Ryan, to start hitting Briana.

I’m actually surprised Vicki listened to it. Vicki says the recording was disgusting, but I think her comments about Oklahoma were equally nasty. Not cool Victoria. Heather is visiting new housewife Shannon to see in the inside of her home. Heather and Shannon’s kids actually go to the same school. Shannon’s home is huge, but I agree with Heather, she has Grandma taste. That is what she said right?

Shannon is cooky about how much radiation she is exposed to. I’m curious to see more of her crazy self. Heather is getting her makeup done for her role on Hawaii 5-0, and Tamra and Vicki are on their way to meet her in Hawaii. Vicki and Tamra come up with an idea to get Heather drunk so they can see who she really is. The ladies arrive to their hotel, and Vicki’s being emo about only have one key to her room. Oh geez. Is anyone really buying that Vicki is single?

Shannon is with her daughters, and she reveals her twins were conceived after a Def Leppard concert. Say whaaat?! She then tells her daughters if they can tell her what minimum wage is they can receive it from her. Their answer? “People who don’t make a lot of money.” Apologies by Bravo. Shannon’s family is having dinner, and her daughter brings up the fact that she doesn’t have a cell phone. Shannon is against it because of the radiation. It’s called YUBZ Shannon! I have one in Pink.

Over in Hawaii, Tamra and Vicki are meeting Heather for dinner. Heather tells the ladies how everything went on set, and says she attempted to do her own stunts. The ladies talk about what they are going to do while they are in Hawaii and they decide on surfing. Oh, and we learn Vicki wears g-strings. Grandma strings? Vicki is already falling over the place on her surfboard and they are on freakin land! LOL

Heather was the one not wanting to surf, and then she ends up being amazing at it, which makes Vicki jealous, who by the way is falling all over the place. While Tamra is saying in her talking head how big of a moron you are if you can’t get up on the surfboard, we get to see plenty of shots of Vicki falling down. Basically, Vicki on a SURFBOARDT. SURFBOARDT. is everything.

After surfing of course Vicki gets injured. Instead of a football to the head, this time it’s a scrape on the knee. Oh Victoria. Vicki and Tamra are renting a jeep and they are getting annoyed with Heather in the backseat complaining about everything. Vicki is like the worst driver. Heather says the word “plumeria” which pisses Vicki off because Vicki is fluent in English.

You can tell by this scene that Tamra and Vicki are going after Heather this season, because everything they are complaining about are things they’ve defended about her before against Alexis Bellino. But maybe that’s just it, they were so busy fighting with Alexis and Gretchen that they didn’t get a chance to see if they really liked Heather.

We have yet to see the other new housewife Lizzie, but again are looking at another scene with Shannon and Dr. Moon. One scene of Shannon would have been fine Bravo. Shannon should have just asked Twitter what’s wrong with her. She would have saved money on her Dr. Moon(s) visit. Heather and Tamra are going for a walk while Vicki’s on the phone, and they discuss asking Vicki about Brooks.

It’s time for dinner and the subject of merlot temperature comes up and Heather is closest to the correct answer than Vicki and Tamra, and it annoys them. Heather and Tamra asked Vicki if she misses wearing a wedding ring, and she says she’s so happy. Then they ask if she’s so happy like she claims, then where does Brooks fall in all of that. DUN. DUN. DUN. Till next week….

This season looks juicy!

What did you think of tonight’s premiere episode? Let’s discuss!