The Real Housewives of Orange County kicked off its eight season and let me just start off by saying that I refuse to call it “the original!” or “where it all began!” (even thought it did) because the show has changed so much and literally, only Vicki [and I guess, Slade] are the only thing that remains about the original. Now that I let that out, let’s move on!

We catch up with Vicki first. She is running around like mad woman moving her house around with the help of red wine, and settling into it as an officially single woman. Lonely Vicki won’t be for a long time, however. Briana and her husband Ryan will be moving in along with their newborn when he arrives! That’s right, Vicky is going to be somebody’s grandmother.

That’s not the only great change on the horizon for Vicki. The Miss Piggy doppelganger has recently succumbed and gotten her nose done, inserted an implant into her chin, and then had some areas of her face filled. As for her love tank, it’s not known whether it’s filled or not because she is not quite sure where she stands with Brooks.

Over at House of Dubrow, Heather is in the process of planning a clambake for the girls. What the hell is a clambake? I don’t know but apparently it involves lobsters. So why not a “lobsterbake” instead? Heather is fabulous so let’s just go along. Heather is in the kitchen working on her party while caring for four children – five if you count her husband Terry! I just love seeing Terry. He taunts her about adding onion rings to the menu and she playfully keeps shutting him up. They pick at each other, but it’s not as alarming as the Maloof-Nassif bickering on RHOBH.

We also learn that Heather has blacklisted Alexis from the clambake! They did not leave off on good terms at the season seven reunion, so it’s clear that Heather would not invite her. Heather says she doesn’t want Alexis in her life, but they’re on a show together so good luck with that, Heather.

Tamra is still engaged to Eddie and they are moving in together. There is some minor clashing between them, but I think that’s just expected as they both learn to live with each other and Tamra’s children. Let’s remember that Eddie doesn’t have small kids of his own, so it will be an adjustment for them.

Vicki gave Bravo some home video footage to show Briana’s labor process. They are at the hospital and Vicki is her dramatic self which is hilarious. She says some cliche motherly stuff like “my kid is having a kid” and “your life is about to change forever”. The baby seems to like it inside Briana’s belly, so they decide to go with a C-section. Baby Troy is delivered and everyone is ecstatic! Vicki is loving it, and of course, makes it all about herself as per usual.’I didn’t get to do a proper wedding for my daughter, I didn’t…I this…I that…’ Okay, Vicki!

New BFF’s Gretchen and Tamra go on a fake shopping trip together and Heather phones them in on the news that Vicki just became a grandmother. Tamra reflects on the fact that if this was a year ago, she would’ve heard it straight from Vicki but not anymore. They continue to gossip about Alexis and how she labelled them bullies after the infamous Costa Rica intervention. Gretchen feels she was wronged because she was just trying to show Alexis that she was not coming off well. Whatevs.

At Gretchen’s house, she has issues working a Keurig coffee maker so she calls her boyfriendger (yes, I did just blend boyfriend + manager into one term) for help. It is revealed that Slade has a job now as a radio host of his own show! Tamra wonders what she will use against Slade to bash him now.

Alexis finally emerges and her family has moved into a new mansion. Weren’t they bankrupt or something? Alexis Couture and trampoline parks must be where the cash is at! They talk about nude sculptures for a bit and then discuss that the group attacked Alexis like wolves last season. They also discuss bullying and I’m already over it. This is the season premiere, Bravo! Give me something good.

The clambake is ready to begin! Tamra and Eddie are in a limo en route to Gretchen since they will be riding together. They are greeted by Gretchen at the door and like, OMG! They’re such BFFs in their unplanned matching outfits! TWINSIES! I am gagging and not in a good way. Tamra shows Gretchen a picture of Vicki’s new face on her phone and they gossip about her. Gretchen says that if Vicki changed her face because of Slade’s comments, she will cut a bitch.

Vicki is also preparing for the clambake and is in a limo all by her lonesome. She talks about arriving alone with no man by her side, and she is also a bit nervous to see Tamra (her ex-BFF) for the first time in months. Her face is still swollen from her plastic surgery so that doesn’t help her anxiety!

Gretchen, Tamra and Eddie arrive first and get past the secret service style security at Heather’s. Everything is hunky-dory until it hits Tamra that Vicki is coming, and they are friends no longer. She ponders what she will do, and how Vicki will act towards her. They are both prepared to be bitches towards each other if need be.

Vicki walks in and she greets Heather. Gretchen and Tamra are across the lawn and Vicki seems unfazed while Tamra seems to be sh*tting her white pants. In Bravo fashion, we are left hanging from the cliff and will have to wait until next week to see how the ladies interact once they come together! There is a seating chart which should make the clambake interesting.

A pretty boring premiere, but I have to say I am excited for the remainder of the season! Let’s discuss the premiere. What did you think? Should Alexis have been invited to the clambake? Did Vicki change her face because of the criticism of her looks?