Bienvenido damas y caballeros! Tonight we meet in Cartagena and see some Upper East Side ladies outside their element, and you know it’s scary when Tinsley is the most experienced traveler in this foreign land.

We start with the obligatory montage of the ladies packing and learn that Brian (aka ‘red scarf’) from the mixer has been stalking Bethenny. Apparently while he was stalking Bethenny Ramona was stalking him and it has turned into an awkward love triangle (wheelchair and all.)

The ladies arrive in Cartagena and their historian for the trip, Tinsley, gives them a brief rundown of the country which she describes as beer, cocaine and coffee. Her knowledge comes from the movies so it’s got to be true, right?

The house in Cartagena is absolutely stunning; however the ladies bring their privileged New York materialism to Colombia as room selection is done by Tiffany jewelry (do you expect anything less from Ms. Tinsley Mortimer?) The rooms are beautiful and I think Tinsley did a pretty good job at delegating this obnoxious group (and as a plus everyone got a little Tiffany treat out of it as well.)

While Ramona harasses the chef, Luann practices her Spanish and the ladies get ready for lunch. The spread looks delicious; however Bethenny gets an allergic reaction to the fish soup (which Ramona conventionally forgot to warn her about.) Bethenny is immediately sick withering on the bathroom floor; however regrets it as she complains about the cleanliness of the house afterwards.

The ladies get on their evening wear and Tinsley is the new Erika Jayne as she has her personal makeup artist and hairdresser in Colombia with her. Apparently her boyfriend Scott booked them for her and you know Sonja is going to use this to support her theory on Scott funding Tinsley’s lifestyle. A mysterious knock at the door occurs and it’s not a pizza delivery but rather a wheelchair for Ms. Singer who is milking her strained ankle for all it’s worth. Karma is a b**ch as Ramona gets stuck in the glass elevator in a comedic moment as no one can hear her annoying screams.

Luann surprises the ladies with an amazing wig (that I think she looks fab in) while Ramona does the opposite of glam going out in a wheelchair (that she doesn’t need.) At dinner Brian gets brought up again and Ramona admits that she enjoyed his conversation but doesn’t want to pursue him further as he was more into Bethenny. Brian reminds the topic of conversation as apparently he told Carole he wanted to see her again, despite pledging his love to Bethenny. Carole and Bethenny get into an awkward conversation as Bethenny accuses Brian of ‘running game’ and dubs him Tom 2.0 (accurate.) The conversation turns into a middle school girl fight as the two girls fight over who he likes more. Apparently he called Carole and told her he wasn’t into the B as he wanted to go to a party with her; however we all saw him hit on Bethenny at the mixer. I’m getting some shady vibes from old red scarf here. It turns ugly quickly as Bethenny feels Carole is smug that she is going to a party with Brian and it’s clear this friendship is beyond over. I think it’s also clear that red scarf is hungry for some RHONY airtime.

The dinner has a damper on it due to the fight over who gets Brian and the only bright spot was Luann’s fab blonde wig (I’m getting Samantha Jones vibes from it.) Bethenny turns into a complete ‘B’ after dinner and complains about the house and pretty much the entire country. Luckily we get some laughs by watching Ramona get directed through traffic by local police and combined with the ladies over the top dresses is pure comedy. Lu, Sonja and Bethenny split up from Ramona, Carole and Tinsley; however decide to surprise them at the bar.

Bethenny is completely miserable this trip and Tinsley gives her permission to stay at a hotel if she isn’t happy with the accommodations. Bethenny (instead of owning it) blames Dorinda for telling Tinsley what she said. The conversation quickly turns to Bethenny bringing up Carole being being sad after her breakup and I feel that Bethenny was reaching with that insult. Bethenny seems unhinged and starts crying and if I were in the fabulous Cartagena house I think I wold be having fun and not screaming/crying.

The next morning, breakfast looks absolutely amazing while Bethenny and Sonja decide to go for a swim. Tinsley stops by and Bethenny apologies for being a b**ch admitting is was more her personal life that broke her down than the housing situation. It’s also the anniversary of Tinsley and Scott and hopeless romantic Tinsley is greeted with a gorgeous flower display; however according to Lu it looked like a funeral display. Luckily there is also a Cartier bracelet to go with it, with a jealous Bethenny turning green with envy watching it.

Bethenny is really going through it s she is also in the middle of an ugly custody battle which is causing her to have a panic attack and combined with her fallout with Carole it’s all too much. The ladies are supposed to go on a shopping trip; however Bethenny is mid-panic attack and is in no place to be socializing among town.

Next week we see more of the Carole/Bethenny feud so hold on to your sombreros!

Thoughts on this episode? Let’s discuss!

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